The Birthday Gag
by princesspriscillamaxwell
Summary: [[COMPLETE]] A two chapter fic that focuses on Heero and Duo's birthday gags.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Please do not sue. I have no money. I spent it fixing my computer so I could write this fic. I do not own any of the gundam pilots. Don't even bother trying.  
  
Please do not steal any of my ideas. I worked long and hard on it. Please read and review. It's the only way I can make this fic/series better. Want to post it somewhere? Be my guest. But please tell me where by emailing me.  
  
Archive:   
  
Duo tucked the two-way radio into his back pocket and left the kitchen, where Quatre and Trowa were sitting. This mission needed to be successful. It needed Quatre's strategic skills, Trowa's ability to make the right decisions and Duo's stealth skills. The mission was to find the perfect birthday present for Heero.  
  
Duo headed for the stairs wearing a grin that made him look silly, one may even say that he looked ridiculous but Duo didn't care. He was about to break into the forbidden place, a place that had eighteen locks on the door, each with a different key. This forbidden place even needed a retinal and fingerprint scan to enter.  
  
Duo made a quick scan of his surroundings. He pulled the radio out of his pocket.  
  
"Area one clear."  
  
In the kitchen Trowa snickered. "He makes it sound like an action movie."  
  
Still wearing the stupid grin, Duo held the radio close to his side and continued his journey. He met Wufei halfway up the stairs.  
  
" Maxwell, why are you looking at me like that?"  
  
"Looking like what?"  
  
Back in the kitchen, Quatre tried to imagine what Duo looked like right this moment. A hilarious picture of Duo dressed in camouflage gear came to mind. He bit his lit and stifled a giggle.  
  
An audible crackle could be heard from the receiving end.  
  
Wufei glared at Duo. "What was that?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
The radio crackled again. Duo mentally cursed at his two noisy comrades.  
  
"Maxwell that sound is not nothing. Now spill!"  
  
Duo looked down and stared at his feet, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse.  
  
"You don't wanna know."  
  
"Yes I do Duo. Tell me now."  
  
"Ok ok! I farted! You happy now!" blurted Duo. "That noise? It was me, farting!!!"  
  
Another crackle came from the radio, it was much louder than the other two.  
  
Wufei screwed his face up in disgust at the noise. "That's the last time I ask you about anything in detail" he muttered and made his way to the lounge room.  
  
In the kitchen, Quatre and Trowa were choking on muted laughter. Duo sure knew how to make some great excuses.  
  
Duo kept his mind focused on his mission. He reached the top of the stairs and scuttled into the hallway. He pulled out the radio again.  
  
"Hallway clear and stop laughing or face the wrath of Shinigami (1)."  
  
Duo swept the hallway with his eyes. Good. The bathroom door was closed.  
  
"Heero secured in sector B. Now approaching target."  
  
Duo crouched and crawled silently on his hands and knees to Heero's room. He unlocked 15 of the locks using the lock picks he kept in his braid. He placed a piece of plastic with Heero's fingerprint onto the scanner.  
  
"Fingerprint scan complete," said a mechanical voice. "Please state your name."  
  
Duo pulled out a voice recorder and pressed play.  
  
"Heero Yuy."  
  
"Voice activation complete. Initiating retinal scan."  
  
This was the tricky part. Duo held up an enlarged picture of Heero and positioned its eye over the scanner."  
  
The scanner completed its job and the door clicked open.  
  
"Welcome."  
  
Duo belly rolled into Heero's room and quietly shut the door behind him. He looked around to make sure that there weren't any security cameras that were taping his actions before making his way towards Heero's bookshelf.  
  
"This is 02. Do you copy?"  
  
Quatre managed to spit out a yes before he burst into fits of laughter. Duo was taking this so seriously.  
  
"Guys this is serious."  
  
"Sorry Duo.I mean 02. Is there a bookshelf?"  
  
"Yes, now copy this down.how to use a laptop, how to touch type, the meaning of life, emotions-are they good or bad?"  
  
Trowa grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down the titles as Duo cited them  
  
"Peace: its real meaning, parenting.parenting??? Ok I don't even want to know.dressing appropriately, the art of cooking.ok that's it guys, I'm positive that Heero doesn't have that book. Over and out."  
  
"That Heero doesn't have which book?" came a familiar monotone voice.  
  
Duo turned round. "eep.uh hi Heero. Damn.am I in the wrong room again? Oh whoops, in that case I'm going to go -"  
  
Heero leaned in and pressed his lips against Duo's. He had learnt that this was the quickest way to silence the chatty soldier during one of his past missions.  
  
"Mmmmmppppphhhh!" Duo waved his hands wildly in the air, indicating that he needed oxygen. Heero broke the kiss.  
  
"Are you going to tell me now?"  
  
Duo took out his radio. "Sorry guys but you're going to have to get a refund. Heero doesn't need to learn the art of kissing."  
  
********************************************************************* (1) Shinigami- God of Death 


	2. Duo's Birthday

Disclaimer: Please do not sue. I have no money. I spent it fixing my computer so I could write this fic. I do not own any of the gundam pilots. Don't even bother trying.  
  
Please do not steal any of my ideas. I worked long and hard on it. Please read and review. It's the only way I can make this fic/series better. Want to post it somewhere? Be my guest. But please tell me where by emailing me. All fics are posted on my website which can be found in my profile.  
  
It was a quiet day in the safe house. The pilots hadn't received any missions for two weeks now and this was making everyone very nervous and stressed. Of course everybody had different ways of dealing with stress. Wufei was out in the garden killing imaginary targets with his super sharp blades, Heero was hunched up over his computer checking for viruses, Duo had gone out for a run to the park and Quatre was checking to see if he had missed any important dates on his PDA. Coming across a date marked with a cake, Quatre tapped on it and a new window popped up informing him of Duo's birthday.  
  
"Hey guys!" he said, "Duo's birthday is coming up in three days. Any ideas on what we should get him?"  
  
The response to that question was immediate.  
  
"No sugar or alternative substitute." Said Wufei.  
  
"No caffeine or high energy foods." Said Trowa.  
  
A slight frown marred Quatre's angelic face. "A birthday is meant to be a happy occasion." He explained. "You shouldn't take away the things he like if you want him to enjoy it. So any more ideas?"  
  
Wufei and Trowa blinked at each other.  
  
"No pets, not after the "supposedly harmless mouse" incident." Said Wufei  
  
"I second that, remember the "can I keep a fly as a pet" incident?" stated Trowa.  
  
A moment's silence reined the room in remembrance of these events- the invasion of the rats and worm infestation.  
  
"What about Heero? He's always partnered with Duo for missions and the brat clings to him like bubblegum. He should know exactly what to get him." Said Wufei indignantly. "But hasn't come up with a single idea."  
  
Hearing his name Heero lifted his head and cocked his head to once side. "How rude of me.not contributing. I thought we were getting individual gifts this year. Anyway it should be rather simple to find Duo a perfect present.he has so many likes."  
  
"WHAT?!" an enraged Wufei spluttered. "Injustice! You have no right to compare me to a braided baka with the appetite of six elephants. Yuy! Tell me what gives you the right?"  
  
Heero flipped out a ticket and waved it in front of the group between his index and middle finger.  
  
"My present to Duo."  
  
Trowa took the ticket from Heero's fingers.  
  
"You got him a front row seat to a Japan's hottest rock and pop concert?" he asked flatly.  
  
Quatre's jaw dropped to the ground.  
  
"Ah, Heero.Duo doesn't know much Japanese." Said Trowa.  
  
"There's no point in taking him to a Japanese concert if he doesn't understand the language." Butted in Wufei. "Sometimes I wonder if he knows what baka means. You call him that so often. He probably thinks it's a compliment.  
  
"Have you not noticed the posters of all those Jap pop idols stuck all over his bedroom door?" Heero paused to let the others think. "Duo talks about those guys and his love of J pop and rock non-stop. He's even started to learn Japanese."  
  
"Ok.but why one ticket?" asked Trowa.  
  
Quatre who had by now picked up his jaw looked disbelievingly in Trowa's direction. "Di.di.did you just ask why one ticket?"  
  
Trowa nodded cautiously.  
  
"IT'S THE HOTTEST GIG IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY!" shouted the usually quiet boy. "One ticket to this concert costs more than a shuttle ride from earth to L3. A front row ticket costs about eight return shuttle rides. How Heero managed to snag a front row ticket is beyond me. Apparently this concert sold out in under five minutes."  
  
Trowa stood stunned by the outburst but Heero simply smirked. "I take it that you blew up teleconnections?" he asked the leering boy.  
  
Quatre waved his hands in front of Heero vigorously, trying to get his attention. "Do you think you could get me a ticket?"  
  
Heero shook his head. "Sorry. Like you said, the tickets are sold out. The reason I get to go is because on duty as bodyguard." He stated before walking out of the room.  
  
Poor Quatre looked like he was going to cry when he heard that there was no way he could go to the concert. Some how he managed to put on a brave face and hold back those tears.  
  
"I understand." He said. Noticing the disappointment in Quatre's voice, Trowa wrapped an arm around the blond boy's shoulders.  
  
"Heero already has his gift planned out. We'd better put our heads together and get Duo a gift too." Wufei had a serious look on his face. "It would absolutely kill him if we couldn't get him a gift in time.  
  
"I'm sure we can think of something good." Piped in Trowa. "Because ideas are already forming in my head."  
  
"Really? Tell us! Tell us!" Quatre said eagerly and wiped the last remaining traces of sadness off his face.  
  
Trowa started to explain to the group. "Right this is what I've come up with."  
  
On a beautiful morning Duo was awakened by his koi, Heero.  
  
"Duo.Duo wake up. Its your birthday." He said softly yet loud enough to rouse the boy from his slumber.  
  
"Hmm? Already?" Duo stretched lazily. "Then do you mind telling me where my breakfast is?"  
  
At that moment Quatre burst into the room holding a tray full of Duo's favorite breakfast things including eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, cereal, a glass of orange juice and a small jug of milk.  
  
"Mmm, smells heavenly. Thank you Quatre." Duo took the tray and put it on his lap. "Nothing better than my favorite breakfast in bed." He said before tucking it in.  
  
Quatre smiled and left the room.  
  
Heero sat on the edge of the bed and began to hand feed Duo his breakfast. Duo started to become curious when his lover didn't give him a present.  
  
"Was that my present?" Duo automatically asked. "Feeding me breakfast. Was that my present?"  
  
"Yes..well part of it."  
  
"Can I see the rest of it?"  
  
"Yes." Said Heero before yelling. "Alright you guys, you can come in now."  
  
Trowa, Quatre and Wufei filed into the small room, each was holding a small piece of paper.  
  
"CD Vouchers?" asked Duo.  
  
The three shook their heads.  
  
"A Cheque?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Plane tickets?"  
  
"Nuh uh."  
  
"Aw, this is no fun. I give up." Duo pouted and crossed his arms.  
  
Heero put his hand in his pocket and fished out a similar piece of paper. This was quickly snatched out of his hands by Duo.  
  
A high-pitched squeal filled the house and was soon followed by a loud thud.  
  
"Uh Heero, is he alright?" Quatre was wearing an extremely concerned look on his face.  
  
Heero lifted the now unconscious boy off the floor and back onto the bed. "He is fine." Then he took out another piece of paper from his other pocket. "Here Quatre, go and enjoy the night with Trowa and Wufei. I think I'll stay at home and look after this baka of mine."  
  
Three pairs of eyes lit up at the thought of being able to go to such a renowned concert and instantly disappeared from the room.  
  
Heero smiled to himself and held Duo close. "Happy birthday my little baka." He said softly. "Happy birthday."  
  
OWARI 


End file.
